I am not sure why, but in the last few years I have felt a pressing need to be efficient and productive with my time. When I was at university I wouldn’t mind spending a whole weekend in bed watching TV, it was actually one of my favourite ways to spend the weekend. Now, every spare moment of time I have I feel the need to squeeze as much out of it as possible. It is not healthy but I can’t seem to shake it off.
If you follow my blog you will see I have started to create my own patterns, which has brought much joy to my life. A lot of people (maybe most of them) create patterns because they can’t help it, they are creative beings and ideas and colours are floating in their minds all the time: it is just natural. For me, I am designing patterns for the exact opposite reason: it is really hard for me. I see everything in black and white and 2D, I am horrible with colours (though Pinterest is helping) and I am the less creative person I know. I have been dancing for years and I can learn a choreography very fast, but if I just put the music on and try something on my own nothing comes to me. The patterns on this blog are the result of long research (what stitches to use? how do you mix colours?) and a lot of time and effort. So I am doing this as a challenge to my natural way of being, and oh boy, it is a challenge.
I have been working with colours lately and have fallen in love with fair isle patterns. Have borrowed all the books I could find in the library and I think I have finally found a stitch that allows you to see the patterns clearly on the fabric like when knitting. Since I can’t knit this is the only way I am ever going to do fair isle. So I looked for some patterns I liked and assembled them into what it would be a pattern for fingerless mittens. It started off great, I actually love how the colours look together and have been trying for ways to use them for months so it is a YAY! for me. But then… there was the thumb. What you see in the picture is what is left after I pulled my thumb attempt apart (yes, I was mad). I also realised the mitten was going to be too small and need to do it bigger, but since the pattern is a repeat of 12 st it will have to be a lot bigger and all this discouraged me so much.
Spending so much time trying to come up with a pattern when I could just follow another person’s pattern is very contra-intuitive for me and harder than I thought it would be. I was ready to throw it all in the bin last night, but today I have decided to persevere. Yes, there are some lovely patterns out there but not this exact one, and if I actually crochet something nice like this I will be so happy with the end result that all this will be worth it. And I will try to convince myself that I can take as much time as I need, there is no deadline, no rush: this is not a job. Finally, I will remind myself that I am doing this not only for the result, but for the journey. A journey to a more creative and colourful life 🙂