Empathy’s the antidote to shame. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too. – Brene Brown
Last week I wrote a post about my struggles with designing and how I often felt I just wasn’t good enough. I knew I was putting myself out there and wasn’t sure what the reaction would be, I even thought some people would be offended about my rant about “perfect” Instagram feeds maybe hiding not-so-perfect lives. So when so many of you commented here or on social media about how you shared the same fears I was more than surprised: I was dumb struck.
It took some courage for me to hit “Publish” that day, and I thank you all SO much for your own courage to come out and say “yes, I’ve been there too”. Each and every one of your comments has helped others and me see that we are not alone in our difficulties, and as Brene Brown would say: empathy is the antidote for shame. When we share our shame experiences with others and realise we are not alone that feeling of not being good enough starts to shrink. We see that is OK to be imperfect, slow and insecure because despite our constant self talk that “only I am finding this so difficult” it turns out we are all imperfect together.
So THANK YOU. For putting yourself out there, for your honesty and courage to keep it real with me. I could’t be more grateful to have found this fibre community.
Have a great weekend everyone!
3 thoughts on “Empathy and gratitude”
Perfection is a myth. It is also in the eye of the beholder. Thank you for putting yourself out there.
I just went back and read the post prior to this one. It’s hard when you look around and start comparing yourself and your talents to others…..say a Lily Chin. I tried to learn how to crochet when I was about 26. My stepmother was going to teach me. She made such disparaging comments to me and in front of other people about my first efforts that I gave up in shame and embarrassment. I taught myself when I was 54. I have made some lovely things for myself and others mostly from simple designs I created myself. And it’s hard. It doesn’t come easy to me unlike other things I do. And I’m slow…..so very, very slow. But you know what? The people that I’ve gifted with a twin bed sized afghan or a cowl or a shawl or an iPad cover or a tote or yoga bag that was designed SPECIFICALLY for them, in their favorite color way and their preferences in mind……they could care less that I’m slow. They are impressed with the fact that I designed it myself. My simple little design that took me forever to figure out. It took me a long time to come to grips with the fact that I can’t be really good or really fast at everything I try, that it may take me longer than others to learn a thing or master something or have it feel easy. I had always accepted the fact that there would always be someone better than me at anything I did……that’s just the nature of things. But I was gobsmacked the day I realized the inverse was also true. There will always be someone who hasn’t gotten as far as me yet, who maybe is depressed because they think it came easy to me, who thinks I’M fast (snicker). It doesn’t matter if I’m fast, slow, good or bad at it as long as I derive enjoyment and pleasure from it. So, I’m at peace with myself after 27 years of hearing my stepmother’s voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, talented enough. Now the voices I hear are the voices that are encouraging, complimentary, supportive…… the voices that tutor, ask to be taught, offer help, ask for help……a community, a clan, a tribe of lovely people. People like you. 🙂
Thank you so much for your comment (apologies for not answering sooner!). We all have those voices in our heads telling us we are not good enough, smart enough, rich enough, etc. and it can be all we hear sometimes. But I have to say since I have been involved in the knitting/crochet community I have met so many people (online and in person) who are as encouraging as you say, who are supportive and positive. I guess we found our people didn’t we? And that is a great thought to start my day 🙂